Two words for today: Domestically Disabled.
Oprah did a show a few days ago about "Things they never tell you about being a mom".
It was the funniest hour of my life.
I sat on the couch with my Percocet and Cherry Coke and literally shouted back at the TV - "You said it, girlfriend!" There was so much truth and beauty in that one hour. And I thought, "Why do we as women hold ourselves and each other to such high standards?" So, tonight I want to do a repeat of the "Mommy Confessional" segment from the show. Yes, as much as I like to portray that I keep it all together, let's face it, my life is basically controlled chaos. Here are some true confessions from a former "It-girl" now turned "Housekeeping Hottie." Feel free to share yours if you like.
- I have fed my child something after it has fallen on the floor. P.S. The floor gets mopped maybe once a month - if that. (Ann, I will understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore).
- My son has watched TV for 3-4 hours straight while I surfed the net or read a book. Yes, I am not even doing something productive like a load of laundry or washing dishes. Oh, and the book was probably a trashy romance novel.
- I have faked sleep so that my husband will get up and take care of the baby.
- Last week I wiped my child's very runny nose with my bare fingers - and didn't consciously realize I did it in front of my girlfriends until one of them said something to me.
- My bathrobe and fuzzy boots are my favorite articles of clothing. Sometimes they get worn until 4:50 PM (10 minutes before hubby comes home).
- Mac and Cheese and cold cereal are frequent substitutes for dinner at my home.
- I will wait to change a dirty diaper if I know my husband will be home within the hour. I've also left a dirty diaper for a babysitter. Names and dates have been changed to protect the unsuspecting victims.
- Expletives (a result from a combination of road rage and lousy drivers) are frequently shouted in my car with the kid in the backseat. Yes - the very bad expletives. As in the R rated ones.
- The lock has been turned around on my child's door so that we can keep him "in" for naps and bedtime. Sort of like a toddler prison - but with lots of Disney books and stuffed animals in case he gets bored.
- Sometimes I don't shower for 2 or 3 days. Longer if it's been a particularly bad week. Leg shaving happens once a month. Maybe. *Sorry honey!*
- My son can say "French fries", but I'm pretty sure he has never even heard of broccoli or green beans.
To all my ladies - who raising babies...YOU GO GIRLS!
Peace.
Meg
14 comments:
You know - here's another myth. We just all don't immediately know how to be mothers. We all went through "the refiners fire" before we just automatically did and do the things that need to be done. None of us enjoyed changing diapers, or getting up at night, or any of the other "fun" things of being mothers. Just be glad you are in this day and age where the fathers participate so much. Just let me say that the reward for being a mother beats any other thing I have ever done. It's great to be a woman. I love being a wife, mother, and grandmother. Of course, there are still days I would like to just stay in bed and hide my head under a pillow.
Love, MIL
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you that Sheron's first word was "French Fry". I would have to detour on my way to and from church so we didn't pass McDonalds. And that was in the day of 2 times to church on Sunday, Tuesday morning Relief Society and Wednesday afternoon primary.
I wish I could have seen this episode! Too funny!!
I have to ADMIT.. I am ashamed to admit I have experienced them all ( at least once )except for the shower... and the mopped floor...and the french fries. My kids know their veggies... They know what they hate!!
LOL! You are so funny Meg.
I have missed seeing you.. It's been too long! I hope you guys have a great Easter weekend!!
Oh thank you. So glad I'm not the only one. I wish I could be a fly on the wall in the homes of those women who think they are the perfect mother, or judge others so harshly.
I watched that episode too and it was hilarious!! It was nice to know that I'm not the only one who doesn't have a clean house! Brady too can say "french fry", and probably gets green veggies on his plate a few times a month if that. And I wipe Brady's snotty nose with my bare hand all the time - and then usually wipe it on his shirt or my jeans, depending on who is already less clean between the two of us! --Cheryl
Oh Megan, How you make me laugh! Ann would be horified if she knew how infrequently I mop my floor and how often my kiddos eat something off of it. Really, I just see it as they are building great immune systems! Carlie and Ty are right now watching a movie that they turned on for themselves while I play on the computer. Carlie also gets herself up every morning and comes and watches TV in my room so I can sleep a bit longer. And every single one of my kids rooms have sported the backwards doorknob, they think that's the way doors are supposed to be!
Thanks for keepin' it real!
Love ya♥
Meg - you are the BEST!!! Who hasn't done at least one of these things?(or all of them!) How about coming downstairs and finding your son has smeared his poop all over the wall while your daughter ruined your sister's favorite lipstick all while you were hanging out reading?
Love, Teresa
I am DYING laughing! This was such a great post and so true! I could relate with MANY of those. I love that you are keeping it real and I wish I saw that Oprah! Love it!!!
LOL!! So true! So true!
Oh. MY. Heck. SHUT UP. THIS was FANTASTIC! Megan, I'm giving you props for SO tellin it like it is!
I'm not even a mom but as a very close mommy/aunt combo, I've done ALL of this! Except for the husband coming home and me just getting out of my bath robe but good old Mcdonalds is my personal miracle for happy meal runs!
I saw maybe a few seconds of this show going in and out of patients rooms and LOVED it!
So, go ahead girlfriend and tell it like it is...I'm listening!
My fav line that seriously had me laughing out loud? The dark haired lady via SKYPE who said she cried the whole way to purchasing a mini van. She said, "You would have thought a relative had died." And then I laughed out loud when she said, "I now know what a dog feels like to get neutered." HA!
But seriously, I think as Mom's we are WAY too hard on ourselves. We are not June Cleaver/Martha Stewart. And anyone who tries to make believe they are.....scare me!
I think I have done everything on the list too. My girls are currently watching tv while I surf the net and I have the child proof knob on the inside of the door for exactly the same reason. You rock Megan!
Yes, I confess to having done almost all of these things myself . . . on a regular basis. And yes, despite my efforts to have fresh fruit and veg at every dinner, Ryan still insisted on Saturday that he *needed* French fries. *sigh*
How about I wiped my childs runny nose with my bare fingers and then wiped them on my shirt. Didn't realize it until I looked up and saw the clerks face.
yeeeaaah.
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